Salaam, I’m Sara.
I’ve spent most of my life being told that the things that made me different were things to manage. I’ve never been just one thing — and I stopped apologizing for that. This is what happened next.
The parts of yourself you’ve been taught to manage are usually the parts that hold the most power. Real change comes from embracing them, not ignoring them.
I do this work because I know what it costs to leave parts of yourself behind.
And I know what becomes possible when you stop.
My joy and purpose in life is helping other Afghan diaspora women find our place in the world.
Our culture is the source of our healing, and we have every right to claim it.
No matter how long it’s been, no matter the reason you found yourself cast out in the first place.
Whether they did it, you did it yourself, the outside world did it, or all three.
I’m here to remind you: Being Afghan is a gift.
You deserve to love yourself more than anyone else.
My Story
My dad is from Logar; my mom was from Kandahar. I was born and raised in Los Angeles, CA.
I grew up with loving parents and a close family. However, they didn’t know how to support my identity development as a queer, first-gen, eldest daughter. They were doing their best, but didn’t use words like anxiety, depression, microaggression, or trauma.
At home, I was the dutiful daughter, but I spoke a cultural language that was foreign to my family. Out in the world, I tried my best to fit in among my peers. No one had heard of Afghanistan. Sadly, I wanted to keep it that way.
But as the world turned its attention to us (and not in a good way) in the early 2000s, I felt a spotlight on me. Overnight, I was expected to be a spokesperson for my entire community. A community that I had turned my back on, and that I felt had turned its back on me.
I felt like an imposter in every setting I was in. It wasn’t until I fought to define my full identity for myself – embracing my heritage, my queerness, my faith, and my family – that I truly felt at home.
This is the lesson that I want to gift to all my diaspora sisters, and for the rest of the world to hear:
We get to define ourselves, and we’re doing it every day.
Bio
Sara Stanizai, LMFT (she/her) is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, and the founder of Prospect Therapy, a queer- and trans-affirming group practice based in Long Beach, CA. With over 15 years of clinical experience, her work draws on advanced training in Relational Life Therapy, the Gottman Method, and Feminist Therapy, with a focus on couples and relationships, identity, and the intersections of culture and belonging.
As a queer, Muslim, Afghan-American woman, Sara brings both clinical expertise and lived experience to her speaking and facilitation work. She is a sought-after speaker for conferences, organizations, and community events, covering topics from patriarchy and power dynamics to immigrant mental health, LGBTQ+ affirmative care, and workplace resilience for queer and BIPOC employees. She has a special place in her heart for fellow eldest daughters carrying intergenerational responsibilities, and believes deeply in the importance of lived experience in professional and community leadership.
Sara has spoken at venues ranging from UCLA and NVIDIA to the Afghan-American Community Organization and the City of Long Beach, and brings her work to national and international stages. She produces Love in the Hot Seat, a live talk-show-style event where LGBTQIA+ experts take real audience questions about dating and relationships. Sara is a board member of the Asian Mental Health Collective and Mind-1-1, a former Therapists of Color Mentor through CAMFT, and the host of the You Did That! podcast.
And it’s the one I want every audience to carry with them:
