big sisters

Eldest Daughters

do it all.

Tuesdays at 5pm PST

May 7 through end of June, 8 sessions

We meet virtually for 8 weeks.

In many families, the eldest daughters had to be much more than just that. They were also…

  • The bonus parent: All the responsibilities, with none of the authority!
  • The bridge to the outside world: Making grown-up decisions, translating documents, and indirectly bearing the brunt of financial, social and other pressures on your parent(s).
  • The caretaker for siblings, parents, or extended family members. Even those who don’t live in the home!
  • Doing the mental and emotional labor for the household, especially if your parent(s) were preoccupied with a family business, another sibling, or their own problems.
  • The scapegoat among your siblings or cousins: You’re either blamed for other people’s problems, or accused of being spoiled.

What happens as a result of this?

You limit your own aspirations in order to put others first.

You overcompensate for a lost sense of self, forcing yourself to succeed academically, professionally, and socially.

You start competing with people you don’t even know, due to constant comparison from your parents.

You become a control-freak and don’t accept help from anyone. Hello, burnout!

If you’re the eldest daughter from any cultural, ethnic, or religious background—even if you don’t identify as a daughter—you’ve come to the right place.

Now is the time to put yourself first.

I’m willing to bet that difficulty putting yourself first is at the root of your unhappiness.

I’m willing to bet that you have spent your life making others comfortable, and now you don’t know how to take up space. 

I’m willing to bet that when it comes time to receive from others, you’re uncomfortable and push away any true connection.

Join the eldest daughters group to meet your kindred spirits and see what life is like in the real world.

Meet your facilitator

Hey girl, I’m Sara.

My life’s work has been to support the emotional well-being of my communities. 

Who are my communities? There are too many to name, but what might be important to you, is: I’m your friendly neighborhood openly bisexual, culturally Muslim, first-generation American eldest daughter who was born and raised in Los Angeles to Afghan refugees.

I believe that creating safety among the types of people who have caused you harm will change your life.

You don’t need to forgive and forget. You don’t need to gain their approval. Just focus on regulating your nervous system wherever you go.

I know it hasn’t been easy.

The resentment, the determination, the demands without acknowledgement.

And the worst part? You know you should change it, but you don’t.

The secret is: Create your own confident, beautiful, and meaningful life. And then invite whomever you want to join you. If they can’t meet you there, it’s ok to let them go.’

We may come from different backgrounds, but our struggles due to the combination of cultural expectations, family dynamics, and societal pressures are one and the same.

Let us create a community that honors the real version of you.

Those parts of you that your family doesn’t recognize - they deserve to take over.

You get to decide who you are.
You get to put down the responsibilities of everyone else.
You get to be seen instead of dismissed; celebrated instead of snubbed; held close instead of pulled on.

The Eldest Daughters Group will meet virtually for 8 weeks.

We meet online for eight weeks.

Tuesdays at 5pm PST. Starting May 7 through end of June, 8 sessions.

As long as you can match up with the time zone while the group’s running, you’re more than welcome to join us, no matter where you call home.

To keep things cozy, we’re capping the group at a maximum of 8 participants per session.

So, what’s on the agenda for our weekly meet-ups?

These topics are just a starting point. My groups always take on a life of their own, but I will be there to hold space for us. And speaking of which… The total cost of the group is $550.

If you're seeking a network of peers who truly understand and have lived the intricacies of being the eldest daughter, come and join us.

This space is for you if you:

You’ve come here for a reason.

We choose you, and I’m proud of you for choosing you, too. You’ve got this!

What past participants are saying…​

“I’m realizing these sessions were exactly what I needed! ‘Discussing how we are default caregivers, and learning how to accept care from others’ was the topic I got the most out of.”

“I feel more accepting of help from others, from big to small things. I’m getting better at choosing where to place my time. If you’ve ever felt parentified, this is for you.”